Make an ‘old year’s resolution

Authors

1. Mark CanadaChancellor and Professor of English, Indiana University Kokomo, Indiana University Kokomo
2. Christina DowneyProfessor of Psychology, Indiana University

Disclosure statement

Mark Canada has written an Audible Original called “Ben Franklin’s Lessons in Life.”

Christina Downey does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

If you’ve made a New Year’s resolution, your plot for self-improvement probably kicks into gear sometime on Jan. 1, when the hangover wears off and the quest for the “new you” begins in earnest.

But if research on habit change is any indication, only about half of New Year’s resolutions are likely to make it out of January, much less last a lifetime.

As experts in positive psychology and literature, we recommend an unconventional but more promising approach.

We call it the “old year’s resolution.”

It combines insights from psychologists and America’s first self-improvement guru, Benjamin Franklin, who pioneered a habit-change model that was way ahead of its time.

With the “old year” approach, perhaps you can sidestep the inevitable challenges that come with traditional New Year’s resolutions and achieve lasting, positive changes.

A period to practice – and fail

Research has highlighted two potential pitfalls with New Year’s resolutions.

First, if you lack the confidence to invest in a full-fledged effort, failure to achieve the goal may become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Furthermore, if you maintain the change but perceive progress as unacceptably slow or inadequate, you may abandon the effort.

The old year’s resolution is different. Instead of waiting until January to start trying to change your life, you do a dry run before the New Year begins.

How does that work?

First, identify a change you want to make in your life. Do you want to eat better? Move more? Sock away more savings? Now, with Jan. 1 days away, start living according to your commitment. Track your progress. You might stumble now and then, but here’s the thing: You’re just practicing.

If you’ve ever rehearsed for a play or played scrimmages, you’ve used this kind of low-stakes practice to prepare for the real thing. Such experiences give us permission to fail.

Psychologist Carol Dweck and her colleagues have shown that when people see failure as the natural result of striving to achieve something challenging, they are more likely to persist to the goal.

However, if people perceive failure as a definitive sign that they are not capable – or even deserving – of success, failure can lead to surrender.

If you become convinced that you cannot achieve a goal, something called “learned helplessness” can result, which means you’re likely to abandon the endeavor altogether.

Many of us unintentionally set ourselves up for failure with our New Year’s resolutions. On Jan. 1, we jump right into a new lifestyle and, unsurprisingly, slip, fall, slip again – and eventually never get up.

The old year’s resolution takes the pressure off. It gives you permission to fail and even learn from failure. You can slowly build confidence, while failures become less of a big deal, since they’re all happening before the official “start date” of the resolution.

A gardener weeding one bed at a time

Long before he became one of America’s greatest success stories, Franklin devised a method that helped him overcome life’s inevitable failures – and could help you master your old year’s resolutions.

When he was still a young man, Franklin came up with what he called his “bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection.” With charming confidence, he set out to master 13 virtues, including temperance, frugality, chastity, industry, order and humility.

In a typically Franklinian move, he applied a little strategy to his efforts, concentrating on one virtue at a time. He likened this approach to that of a gardener who “does not attempt to eradicate all the bad herbs at once, which would exceed his reach and his strength, but works on one of the beds at a time.”

In his autobiography, where he described this project in detail, Franklin did not say that he tied his project to a new year. He also did not give up when he slipped once – or more than once.

“I was surpris’d to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined; but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish,” Franklin wrote.

He made his progress visible in a book, where he recorded his slip-ups. One page – perhaps only a hypothetical example – shows 16 of them tied to “temperance” in a single week. (Instead of marking faults, we recommend recording successes in line with the work of habit expert B.J. Fogg, whose research suggests that celebrating victories helps to drive habit change.)

Repeated failures might discourage someone enough to abandon the endeavor altogether. But Franklin kept at it – for years. To Franklin, it was all about perspective: This effort to make himself better was a “project,” and projects take time.

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‘A better and a happier man’

Many years later, Franklin admitted that he never was perfect, despite his best efforts. His final assessment, however, is worth remembering:

“But, on the whole, tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it.”

Treating self-improvement as a project with no rigid time frame worked for Franklin. In fact, his scheme probably helped him succeed wildly in business, science and politics. Importantly, he also found immense personal satisfaction in the endeavor: “This little artifice, with the blessing of God,” he wrote, was the key to “the constant felicity of his life, down to his 79th year, in which this is written.”

You can enjoy the same success Franklin did if you start on your own schedule – now, during the old year – and treat self-improvement not as a goal with a starting date but as an ongoing “project.”

It might also help to remember Franklin’s note to himself on a virtue he called, coincidentally, “Resolution”: “Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”

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Dr. Downey received her B.A. in Psychology with Highest Distinction from Purdue University, and her M.S. and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.

Mark Canada is the eighth chancellor of Indiana University Kokomo. A professor of English and founder of a free learning platform (mindinclined.org), he has written and spoken extensively in the fields of literature, language, journalism, history, and media literacy

What comes to mind when you think about winter? Snowflakes? Mittens? Reindeer? In much of the Northern Hemisphere, winter means colder temperatures, shorter days and year-end holidays.

Along with these changes, a growing body of research in psychology and related fields suggests that winter also brings some profound changes in how people think, feel and behave.

While it’s one thing to identify seasonal tendencies in the population, it’s much trickier to try to untangle why they exist. Some of winter’s effects have been tied to cultural norms and practices, while others likely reflect our bodies’ innate biological responses to changing meteorological and ecological conditions. The natural and cultural changes that come with winter often occur simultaneously, making it challenging to tease apart the causes underlying these seasonal swings.

With our colleagues Alexandra Wormley and Mark Schaller, we recently conducted an extensive survey of these findings.

Wintertime blues and a long winter’s nap

Do you find yourself feeling down in the winter months? You’re not alone. As the days grow shorter, the American Psychiatric Association estimates that about 5% of Americans will experience a form of depression known as seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.

People experiencing SAD tend to have feelings of hopelessness, decreased motivation to take part in activities they generally enjoy, and lethargy. Even those who don’t meet the clinical threshold for this disorder may see increases in anxiety and depressive symptoms; in fact, some estimates suggest more than 40% of Americans experience these symptoms to some degree in the winter months.

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Scientists link SAD and more general increases in depression in the winter to decreased exposure to sunlight, which leads to lower levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin. Consistent with the idea that sunlight plays a key role, SAD tends to be more common in more northern regions of the world, like Scandinavia and Alaska, where the days are shortest and the winters longest.

Humans, special as we may be, are not unique in showing some of these seasonally linked changes. For instance, our primate relative the Rhesus macaque shows seasonal declines in mood.

Some scientists have noted that SAD shows many parallels to hibernation – the long snooze during which brown bears, ground squirrels and many other species turn down their metabolism and skip out on the worst of winter. Seasonal affective disorder may have its roots in adaptations that conserve energy at a time of year when food was typically scarce and when lower temperatures pose greater energetic demands on the body.

Winter is well known as a time of year when many people put on a few extra pounds. Research suggests that diets are at their worst, and waistlines at their largest, during the winter. In fact, a recent review of studies on this topic found that average weight gains around the holiday season are around 1 to 3 pounds (0.5 to 1.3 kilograms), though those who are overweight or obese tend to gain more.

There’s likely more going on with year-end weight gain than just overindulgence in abundant holiday treats. In our ancestral past, in many places, winter meant that food became more scarce. Wintertime reductions in exercise and increases in how much and what people eat may have been an evolutionary adaptation to this scarcity. If the ancestors who had these reactions to colder, winter environments were at an advantage, evolutionary processes would make sure the adaptations were passed on to their descendants, coded into our genes.

Sex, generosity and focus

Beyond these winter-related shifts in mood and waistlines, the season brings with it a number of other changes in how people think and interact with others.

One less discussed seasonal effect is that people seem to get friskier in the winter months. Researchers know this from analyses of condom sales, sexually transmitted disease rates and internet searches for pornography and prostitution, all of which show biannual cycles, peaking in the late summer and then in the winter months. Data on birth rates also shows that in the United States and other countries in the Northern Hemisphere, babies are more likely to be conceived in the winter months than at other times of the year.

Although this phenomenon is widely observed, the reason for its existence is unclear. Researchers have suggested many explanations, including health advantages for infants born in late summer, when food may historically have been more plentiful, changes in sex hormones altering libido, desires for intimacy motivated by the holiday season, and simply increased opportunities to engage in sex. However, changes in sexual opportunities are likely not the whole story, given that winter brings not just increased sexual behaviors, but greater desire and interest in sex as well.

Winter boosts more than sex drive. Studies find that during this time of year, people may have an easier time paying attention at school or work. Neuroscientists in Belgium found that performance on tasks measuring sustained attention was best during the wintertime. Research suggests that seasonal changes in levels of serotonin and dopamine driven by less exposure to daylight may help explain shifts in cognitive function during winter. Again, there are parallels with other animals – for instance, African striped mice navigate mazes better during winter.

And there may also be a kernel of truth to the idea of a generous Christmas spirit. In countries where the holiday is widely celebrated, rates of charitable giving tend to show a sizable increase around this time of year. And people become more generous tippers, leaving about 4% more for waitstaff during the holiday season. This tendency is likely not due to snowy surroundings or darker days, but instead a response to the altruistic values associated with winter holidays that encourage behaviors like generosity.

People change with the seasons

Like many other animals, we too are seasonal creatures. In the winter, people eat more, move less and mate more. You may feel a bit more glum, while also being kinder to others and having an easier time paying attention. As psychologists and other scientists research these kinds of seasonal effects, it may turn out that the ones we know about so far are only the tip of the iceberg.

What Defines a Covert Narcissist in Relationships?

Unlike the stereotypical narcissist who openly seeks attention and admiration, covert narcissists display their self-absorption in subtler, more insidious ways. These individuals appear humble and anxious to please on the surface, making them particularly difficult to identify in marital relationships.

Covert narcissism represents a toxic, introverted form of the disorder where superiority remains hidden beneath a veneer of modesty. Rather than broadcasting their self-importance, these individuals harbor deep insecurities while maintaining secret beliefs about their specialness.

The Unique Marriage Dynamic

Covert narcissists tend to be quiet and self-contained, often providing minimal attention to their spouses. The marriage becomes a lonely place where empathy is notably absent and conversations invariably circle back to the narcissist’s exclusive focus on themselves.

Passive aggression becomes a hallmark of these relationships. Spouses receive vague promises and annoyed reassurances, but follow-through rarely materializes. The most defining characteristic involves how criticism is handled—while covert narcissists freely criticize others, they cannot tolerate even the gentlest feedback themselves.

When partners attempt to raise concerns using diplomatic approaches, covert narcissists may become smug or belligerent, then retreat into sullen, moody withdrawal. This pattern leaves spouses perplexed, particularly in early marriage stages, as reasonable requests for behavioral changes trigger disproportionate reactions.

The Perfectionism Problem

The Pride-Shame Split

Individuals with narcissistic traits experience what clinicians call a pride-shame split, where they are terrified of not being good enough and fear being fundamentally unlovable. This core wound drives them to project superiority as compensation for deep insecurity.

Research by Logan Nealis and colleagues explored how narcissistic perfectionism manifests socially. The study found that grand expectations paired with feelings of grandiosity and entitlement to perfect performance from others creates a particularly negative combination.

According to Dr. Sherry, who worked on the research, narcissistic perfectionists need other people to satisfy their unreasonable expectations, and respond with anger when disappointed.

Vicarious Self-Esteem

Covert narcissists may demand perfect performance from specific individuals, like a spouse or child, while not necessarily expecting it from others. Nealis explained that these individuals derive self-esteem vicariously through others’ perfect performance, basking in that reflected glory.

The researchers conducted a 28-day diary study with students. Results consistently showed that narcissistic perfectionism associates with social negativity including anger, derogation, conflict and hostility. Dr. Sherry noted that when examining the thought processes of narcissistic perfectionists, they’re thinking really negative, hostile, critical things about other people.

Response to Criticism

Heightened Aggression

Research involving 540 undergraduate students examined how narcissism relates to responses to criticism. Students with more pronounced narcissistic traits tended to lash out more often when facing verbal criticism.

Narcissists primarily want to punish or defeat someone who has threatened their highly favorable self-views, according to the study authors. Unlike individuals with healthy self-esteem who don’t become more aggressive when criticized, covert narcissists find threats to their ego too great to leave unchallenged.

Professor Brad Bushman, the study’s first author, suggested that if children develop unrealistically optimistic self-opinions that are constantly rejected by others, their self-love could make them potentially dangerous to those around them.

The Direct Approach

Interestingly, Professor Bushman noted from other research that people willing to admit they are more narcissistic than others probably actually are more narcissistic, as they view narcissism as a positive quality. Covert narcissists may be frank about their superior self-image and exacting standards—they’re simply less flamboyant about it than overt narcissists.

Seven Tell-Tale Signs of the Covert Narcissist Husband

1. Pervasive Passive-Aggression

The covert narcissist husband operates through passive-aggressive tactics that leave his wife confused and frustrated. He may feign interest in what she wants, nodding along during conversations, but seldom shows genuine or sustained follow-through. His behavioral patterns create a unique form of marital torture:

The “Forgetting” Pattern: He conveniently forgets his wife’s work weekend trip that was planned months in advance and “accidentally” schedules a fishing trip he’s “really been looking forward to.” With a martyred tone, he agrees to cancel HIS event “as a favor to help her career” and stay with the children, “sacrificing” his fun. His wife eventually stops planning trips—especially for pleasure—because she can feel his covert misery radiating through the house.

The Incompetence Defense: When he does complete spousal requests, he often does so incompetently. The task is finished, but poorly. When confronted, he whines that his wife is being “too picky” or “OCD” in expecting competent performance. He implies she’s a nag or mopes as he attempts to “meet her demanding standards.” His wife learns that asking for help creates more work than doing it herself.

The Half-Hearted Explanation: In the face of failed expectations, he provides some self-serving explanation for why he didn’t follow through. His wife feels his resentment simmering beneath the surface, but it remains carefully unspoken. He exhibits no active joy in her company, no spontaneous desire to celebrate her or their love. She begins to feel like a burden in his life rather than a cherished partner.

2. Hidden Superiority and Silent Judgment

Unlike the blatant narcissist who openly broadcasts his superiority, the covert narcissist husband doesn’t telegraph his sense of being special. He’s more reserved and aloof, but deeply insecure beneath the surface. His superiority complex operates like a silent evaluation machine:

The Constant Evaluator: He keenly observes, evaluates, and often silently renders abrupt and sometimes merciless judgment about everyone around him. His wife can feel his assessment but rarely hears it spoken aloud. He ruminates endlessly about how he isn’t adequately “appreciated” by her, by his colleagues, by the world.

The Absent Presence: He maintains an air of being “absent” even when physically present. He demonstrates bored disdain for conversations, family activities, or his wife’s interests. But when asked directly “Is something wrong?” he denies it flatly. Nothing’s wrong. She’s imagining things. She’s too sensitive.

The Eruption: Until provoked, when suddenly he spews a litany of withheld resentments and cruel comments that shock his unsuspecting wife. These verbal assaults come out of nowhere, revealing he’s been cataloging her every perceived flaw for months or years. But moments later, he reverses course—accusing her of being so hostile that he sometimes “just can’t take it” and has to “give it back to her.” She’s the problem, not him.

The Rumination Cycle: He keeps a running tally of others’ folly to ease the imagined “unfair judgments” he believes are constantly being leveled at him. He exhibits contemptuous behaviors like smirking, stifled mocking laughter, or eye-rolling—but only in private. In public, he’s a stellar husband and proves it to anyone who’s watching.

3. Emotional Withdrawal from Family

The covert narcissist husband maintains a peculiar emotional distance that his family feels acutely, even when he’s in the same room:

The Absent Father: With his children, he seldom makes genuine eye contact. His parenting style could be described as narcissistic—he claims the children just don’t “like him” as much as they like their mother. This statement becomes his justification for parental withdrawal in preference for hobbies or more solitary pursuits. He’ll even complain that the family dog doesn’t like him, positioning himself as the perpetual victim.

The On-Again/Off-Again Parent: Children become acutely aware of this erratic attention pattern. Like intermittent reinforcement in behavioral psychology, they hungrily try to capture and hold their father’s attention. When he’s engaged (which is rare), he can be delightful. When disengaged (his default state), his empty presence fills the house with tension. Children learn to tiptoe around his moods.

The Scorekeeper: He keeps careful track of everyone else’s mistakes and shortcomings to counter any imagined “unfair judgments” against him. If his wife suggests he spend more time with the children, he’ll have a ready list of times she was unavailable or made mistakes. His emotional ledger is always balanced in his favor.

The Public Performer: The stark difference between his private and public personas becomes apparent at family gatherings or school events. Suddenly, he’s engaged, warm, and attentive—the perfect father figure. His wife and children watch this performance with a mixture of hope and confusion, wondering if this version of him might last when they get home. It never does.

4. The “Helpful” Husband Who Creates More Work

One of the most confusing aspects for wives is how their covert narcissist husbands can simultaneously appear helpful while remaining profoundly resentful:

Performance Without Partnership: His “helping” serves primarily to boost his own sense of being a “good spouse” rather than stemming from genuine adult partnership. As a young man, he was often punished for speaking his truth, so now he substitutes superficial “niceness” for genuine honesty and emotional involvement. He’s learned to demonstrate that he is, in contrast to his wife, being a “good spouse.”

The 80% Husband: He may complete promised tasks 80% of the time, creating an illusion of reliability. But that unpredictable 20% will haunt the marriage. And when his wife mentions the incomplete tasks, he resents her for it and points out how critically she views him. He complains he can’t do anything to please her.

The Complexity Creator: Even when he does help, he somehow manages to create additional work for his wife. He’ll do the grocery shopping but buy the wrong items. He’ll help clean but miss obvious areas. He’ll cook dinner but leave a kitchen disaster. His wife finds herself either redoing his work or managing the fallout, realizing it would have been easier to do it herself initially.

The Martyr’s Stance: Throughout all this “helping,” he maintains a long-suffering demeanor that telegraphs his sacrifice. He’s doing her a favor. He’s being considerate. Unlike her—who is “mean” to him—he’s too “nice” to complain. He takes her “abuse” but is hurt by it. And his wife ends up carrying all the anger inside, feeling frustrated and upset by his engage-ignore pattern.

5. Impeccable Hypersensitivity and Rage

The covert narcissist husband possesses an almost supernatural ability to detect and respond to any perceived criticism:

Zero Tolerance for Feedback: He takes offense at criticism whether real or imagined. He bristles at any suggestion that he has failed in any way, even when the failure is obvious and documented. At the extreme end, these husbands can be extremely emotionally abusive, though they’ll insist their wives are the abusive ones.

The Relabeling Game: A wife’s reasonable demands for love, attention, engagement, and intimacy get relabeled as her being cloying, never satisfied, demanding, and overbearing. Her attempts to improve the relationship become evidence of her defective character. He claims he has been wronged by her if she dares complain about his behavior.

The Reminder: He’ll remind her of all he has done and how little she has appreciated it. His wife finds herself asking, “Was I ungrateful? I thought I complimented him… a lot actually…” She second-guesses her own perceptions, wondering if she’s the problem.

The Dismissive Withdrawal: When offended—and he’s easily offended—he either becomes witheringly dismissive in ways that are hard to articulate, or he skulks off into sullen silence and withdrawal. These periods of stonewalling can last days or even weeks. He tends not to comment on how upset he is, preferring to be perfectly self-contained and aloof. He expects his wife to not only know what she did wrong, but to see how obvious her transgressions are.

The Counterattack: When he feels any imagined attack, he attacks back—often with shocking ferocity. His wife learns to walk on eggshells, carefully monitoring her words and tone, trying to prevent the next eruption while losing herself in the process.

6. Complete Self-Absorption Masquerading as Introversion

It’s easy to confuse the covert narcissist husband with a typical introvert, but there’s a critical difference:

The False Introvert: Genuine introverts may be quiet, but they’re fully capable of bestowing attention and paying careful attention to others. They can love freely, ask good questions, and show genuine interest in their partner’s inner world. The covert narcissist husband, in contrast, is a reliably poor listener who remains perpetually trapped in his own relentlessly evaluative internal dialogue.

The Real-Time Judge: He makes quick, real-time assessments of every person and situation. When something captures his attention, he can be delightful company—charming, engaged, and present. When it doesn’t capture his interest, it becomes crystal clear that he deems it dull, stupid, or beneath his attention. There’s no middle ground, no polite engagement with things that don’t fascinate him.

The Mid-Sentence Exit: He won’t ask questions when disinterested. He’ll act annoyed. He’ll walk away absentmindedly in the middle of your sentence, as if you’ve simply stopped existing. His wife finds herself trailing off mid-thought, realizing he’s already left the room—physically or mentally.

The Conditional Presence: When he wants his wife’s attention, he’s hurt if she’s unavailable. But when she wants him, she’ll pick up from his body language and tone that this “isn’t the best time.” The relationship operates entirely on his schedule, his interest level, his emotional availability. What he wants, he won’t say explicitly. She’s expected to intuit his needs while hers remain perpetually unmet.

The Perfection Trap: Try to be an “angel” and she’ll still fall short. He’s not going to trust that “act” because he knows how “mean” she really is and how wary he must be of her. She’s left wondering how she can be nicer to him so he’ll like her more, not realizing the goalposts will always move.

7. Profound Empathy Deficits and Deep Entitlement

The covert narcissist husband fundamentally lacks the ability to truly see, hear, or feel what his wife experiences:

The Conversation Hijacker: Even when his wife explicitly complains about the negative impact of his behaviors, he somehow manages to shift the discussion back to his own needs or accomplishments. Every conversation becomes about him. Every problem is really his problem. Every emotional experience must be filtered through his perspective.

The Wounded Narcissist: His wife’s unhappiness represents a personal injury to him—an intolerable judgment that he hostilely rejects. The underlying sentiment seems to be: “You can’t be unhappy with me. That offends me and hurts my feelings!” Her pain becomes another burden he must bear, another example of how he’s misunderstood and mistreated.

The Mind-Reading Expectation: He expects her to simply “know” what he’s thinking, feeling, or needing. This mind-reading requirement links directly to his profound sense of entitlement. He shouldn’t have to explain himself. If she truly loved him, she’d understand him intuitively. When she fails to read his mind, it becomes more evidence of her inadequacy.

The Information Withholder: He withholds vital information from his wife because he “knows” how she’ll react and doesn’t want to “hear it.” His internal ruminations and assumptions trump whatever real-world thoughts or feelings she may actually have. He doesn’t need to ask her opinion—he’s already decided what she thinks.

The Rage Response: When confronted with requests for empathy or emotional reciprocity, he may become rageful. How dare she suggest he’s not caring enough? Doesn’t she see everything he does? His defensive fury serves to shut down any further discussion, training her to stop asking for what she needs.

The Emotional Desert: Living with this empathy deficit creates a marriage that feels like an emotional wasteland. His wife may have all her material needs met, but she’s starving for genuine connection, understanding, and reciprocal care. She begins to question whether something is fundamentally wrong with her for needing emotional intimacy.

More people than ever are turning to flexible and accessible mental health support options, and platforms like Theraconnect make it easier to get the care you need from the comfort of your own home. Online Therapy, Online Counseling, and Virtual Therapy have become essential tools for individuals who want reliable mental health support without the barriers of travel, scheduling conflicts, or long waitlists. As Telehealth Mental Health services grow, people now have more ways to Find a therapist who matches their needs and preferences, making care more inclusive and more effective.

Online Therapy gives clients the ability to talk with a licensed professional using secure video sessions, phone calls, or messaging based support. This flexibility helps people work through challenges at their own pace and in their own environment. Many individuals feel more comfortable opening up from home, which can lead to stronger communication and deeper progress. Online Counseling also removes common obstacles such as transportation, mobility issues, childcare conflicts, or living in rural areas with limited access to Mental Health Services. With Virtual Therapy, help is available to anyone with an internet connection.

Telehealth Mental Health services also create easier ways to match with a therapist based on specialty. When people try to Find a therapist locally, their choices may be limited by geographic area. Online platforms expand these options significantly. Clients can choose from professionals who specialize in anxiety, depression, trauma recovery, relationship support, stress management, or lifestyle adjustments. This ensures that each person receives guidance from someone who understands their specific experiences.

Mental Health Services offered through telehealth platforms are often more consistent because scheduling is easier. Without the need to commute, rescheduling or adjusting appointment times becomes simpler. This consistency supports long term progress, which is one of the most important parts of healing. Virtual Therapy encourages ongoing engagement, and many clients find that they attend sessions more regularly than they would with in person care. This steady support strengthens results and leads to better emotional wellbeing.

Another benefit of online care is increased privacy. Some individuals feel uncomfortable visiting an office or worry about being seen in a waiting room. Online Therapy removes that concern entirely. Sessions take place in a private space chosen by the client, making it easier to relax and speak openly. Privacy also extends to Online Group Therapy, an option that allows people to connect with others who share similar challenges while still participating from home. Group sessions help reduce feelings of isolation and provide emotional support through shared experiences. Whether the focus is on anxiety, depression, self-esteem, grief, or personal growth, Online Group Therapy creates a sense of community that many participants find comforting and motivating.

Online Counseling also gives therapists the opportunity to work with clients who may not otherwise seek help. People who feel overwhelmed, anxious, or unsure about the idea of therapy often feel more comfortable trying Virtual Therapy first. The format feels less intimidating and more accessible, which helps individuals take the first step toward improving their mental health. Over time, this can build confidence and help people feel more in control of their emotional wellbeing.

Telehealth Mental Health care also supports immediate needs. When someone is struggling, waiting weeks for an in-person appointment can make symptoms worse. Online platforms often provide faster access and shorter wait times, which means support is available when it matters most. This timely help can prevent problems from escalating and encourage healthier coping strategies.

Another key benefit is the ability to continue therapy even during travel, illness, or schedule disruptions. With online options, clients do not have to pause their progress when life becomes unpredictable. This continuity is especially valuable for individuals working on long term goals such as managing anxiety, healing from past experiences, or building healthier habits.

Mental Health Services delivered through telehealth technology are held to the same professional standards as traditional therapy. Therapists are licensed, trained, and experienced in providing support through secure digital platforms. Clients can feel confident that they are receiving high quality care designed to help them grow, recover, and thrive.

Online Therapy is not just a convenient option. It is a meaningful and effective way for people to receive emotional support, guidance, and mental health care. With Online Counseling, Virtual Therapy, and Online Group Therapy, individuals can choose the method that suits them best. Telehealth Mental Health services offer flexibility, comfort, privacy, and accessibility that many people need now more than ever.

If you would like more information or want help connecting with a therapist, visit the platform to explore available services or contact support directly if details are listed on the site. Online mental health care continues to grow because it meets people where they are and makes healing more accessible for everyone.

Behavior therapy emerged from psychology’s effort to understand and modify human actions through scientific observation. Unlike approaches that focus on internal mental processes, this therapeutic method focuses on observable behaviors and employs evidence-based techniques to effect meaningful change.

The Evolution of Behavioral Approaches

The behavioral approach has developed through distinct phases. Initially rooted in pure behaviorism, it evolved into behavior therapy and eventually expanded into Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Today’s “third wave” includes innovative methods such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and mindfulness-based approaches.

These modern behavioral therapies share several core principles:

• An expansive understanding of mental wellness
• Broader definitions of successful treatment outcomes
• Emphasis on acceptance as a therapeutic tool
• Integration of mindfulness practices
• Focus on creating meaningful, valued lives

Contemporary Behavior Therapy Methods

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Rather than fighting unwanted thoughts, ACT teaches people to accept their present experiences while identifying what truly matters to them. Clients learn to change their relationship with difficult thoughts and commit to actions aligned with their values.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Originally developed for borderline personality disorder, DBT combines acceptance with change-focused strategies. It helps people understand contradictory forces in their lives while developing skills to regulate emotions and modify behaviors.

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)

MBSR addresses stress arising from wishing circumstances were different. By cultivating present-moment awareness, people learn to relate differently to both internal experiences and external challenges. This approach has been successfully adapted for various settings and conditions.

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

Combining mindfulness with cognitive therapy principles, MBCT runs as an eight-session program designed to help people transform their awareness of negative thought patterns. It’s particularly effective for managing depression.

Practical Techniques for Sessions

Building the Foundation

Successful behavior therapy requires strong therapeutic rapport. Therapists collaborate with clients to establish specific, measurable goals using behavioral analysis—particularly the ABC model:

• A (Antecedents): What triggers the behavior
• B (Behavior): The specific problematic action
• C (Consequences): What follows the behavior

Self-Monitoring

Clients track their own behaviors, emotions, and thoughts between sessions. This might involve logging angry episodes, cigarette consumption, or upsetting emotional states. While inexpensive and accessible, this technique requires commitment and accuracy from clients.

Behavioral Interviews

During sessions, therapists conduct detailed interviews to observe client behavior, identify triggers, and define treatment targets. Rather than accepting general statements, therapists probe for specifics—asking what happens during difficult moments rather than settling for broad descriptions.

Operant Conditioning

This approach modifies behavior by changing environmental factors. Therapists begin by clearly defining target behaviors, then adjust environmental conditions while continuously monitoring results.

Systematic Desensitization

Clients gradually confront anxiety-producing situations while engaging in relaxation techniques. This method effectively reduces phobias and anxiety disorders but requires patience and consistent practice.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

PMR teaches stress management through alternating muscle tension and release combined with controlled breathing. Regular practice enhances the effectiveness of this technique.

Interoceptive Exposure

For those experiencing panic attacks, interoceptive exposure helps them tolerate intense physical sensations. Through exercises like hyperventilating or spinning, clients become less reactive to anxiety’s physical manifestations.

Practical Worksheets and Tools

Working With Emotional Patterns

Several worksheets help clients examine their emotional responses:

• Challenging Emotional Myths explores beliefs like “there’s only one correct way to feel” or “painful emotions should be ignored”
• Checking Emotional Facts helps distinguish between emotions that fit situations and those influenced by assumptions or beliefs

Crisis Management

The STOP technique provides a framework for handling difficult moments:

• Stop: Pause before reacting impulsively
• Take a step back: Breathe and create space
• Observe: Notice feelings, thoughts, and surroundings
• Proceed mindfully: Choose actions that improve rather than worsen the situation

Values-Based Living

Worksheets focusing on values and goals help clients identify what matters most and set objectives aligned with those values. This includes anticipating obstacles and developing strategies to overcome them.

Engaging Exercises and Activities

Mindfulness Practices

Dropping the Anchor: A grounding exercise where clients close their eyes, focus on their breath, feel their feet against the floor, notice bodily sensations, and reconnect with their environment through their senses.

Morning Mindfulness: Choosing one daily routine activity—showering, brushing teeth, making coffee—and performing it with complete awareness of sounds, smells, and movements.

Creative Approaches

Drawing exercises prove particularly valuable, especially when working with younger clients. These might involve illustrating important people in their lives or visualizing acts of kindness toward others.

Key Takeaways

Modern behavior therapy offers powerful tools for changing unwanted behaviors and thought patterns. By incorporating mindfulness and acceptance, contemporary approaches help people not only modify specific behaviors but also develop richer, more meaningful lives.

The techniques range from structured exercises to creative activities, from session-based work to daily practices. Success depends on consistent application, strong therapeutic relationships, and willingness to practice skills beyond the therapy room.

Whether addressing specific behavioral concerns or seeking broader psychological wellness, behavior therapy provides evidence-based methods that have helped countless people create positive change in their lives.

Narcissists can slowly change, with appropriate therapy and a lot of effort.

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THE BASICS

• What Is Narcissism?
• Take our Narcissism Test
• Find a therapist who understands narcissism.

Source: cottonbro/Pexels

The internet is full of sites by non-mental health professionals that say that narcissistic personality disorder cannot be treated. They also say that narcissists are master manipulators who can fool even experienced psychotherapists and what appears to be progress is just a temporary behavior change. Or, else they claim that narcissists twist the truth and somehow manage to convince experienced psychotherapists that they are blameless and the real problem is someone else.

I would like to set the record straight: None of the above is true. There are effective treatments for narcissistic personality disorder. Change is difficult, but possible. Everyone has the capacity to grow and evolve and this includes people with NPD.

Note: In this article, I am using the terms “narcissist,” “narcissistic,” and “NPD” as shorthand to describe people who qualify for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.

So why do so many people believe that NPD cannot be treated by psychotherapy?

There are three basic reasons that we do not hear about the successful treatment of narcissistic personality disorder:

1. There are very few psychotherapy training institutes that focus on teaching the diagnosis and treatment of NPD. Most psychotherapy training programs are designed to turn out general practitioners, not specialists.
2. This is a difficult, expensive, and time-consuming specialty to learn properly. At least three years of advanced training are necessary to become competent in this area.
3. Most narcissists avoid psychotherapy or quit prematurely when they feel threatened or uncomfortable.

In summary: There are not enough psychotherapists available who are properly trained in the diagnosis and treatment of narcissistic personality disorder. Not many people with NPD actually want psychotherapy. And many who do want psychotherapy, do not realize that their underlying problem is narcissism. Their ignorance about the real nature of their issues leads them to choose the wrong type of therapist. This means that the majority of narcissists who enter therapy end up with psychotherapists who may not recognize that they have a narcissistic personality disorder, or if they do, they have no idea how to treat narcissistic issues.

Further adding to the difficulty, most narcissists quit therapy prematurely, even when they have a good therapist. This is usually because they find self-reflection incredibly painful. It involves dropping their defenses and facing their own underlying shame and low self-esteem.

What is the Therapy of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Actually Like?

All psychotherapy takes longer than most clients expect. There is no ten-session cure for complex problems. A full psychotherapy of NPD generally takes at least 5-10 years. It is a long, slow, and complex process. It proceeds in stages. Clients can stop at any point. How far they get in therapy depends on how many stages they complete and how impaired they were to begin with. High functioning narcissists who are self-reflective and cope with most parts of their life well are likely to do better in therapy than lower functioning narcissists who are unable to keep a job and have no friends.

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The 10 Stages of Therapy for Narcissistic Disorders

Here is a very abbreviated look at the process. In reality, it may not be this neat or linear. And, please keep in mind, that different forms of therapy for NPD exist, and each may see the therapy process somewhat differently than I do. I am describing what my experience treating people with NPD for over 40 years has taught me.

Stage 1: Symptom Relief or Appeasement. Most clients with NPD do not enter therapy in order to reflect or change. They usually come to get relief from unpleasant feelings and symptoms or to please someone important to them. Some leave as soon as they feel better or the person is appeased.

Stage 2: Avoid Future Pain. Some clients with NPD find therapy more interesting than they expected. If they are at all capable of self-reflection, they may continue long enough to understand their triggers and develop a plan that will help them avoid future pain. It is still all about them at this stage without any desire to understand or change their impact on other people. It is about understanding other people’s impact on them.

Stage 3: Identify their Coping Mechanisms. In this stage, I am helping people understand and identify their primary defense patterns. It may involve looking at their childhood situation and how they learned to cope with it. This is still fairly easy because it can be explored (in many cases) without them feeling judged.

Stage 4: Create New Coping Mechanisms. Now that the person knows what they do and why they do it, the old narcissistic strategies do not simply disappear. If you are holding on to the edge of a cliff with both hands, so as not to fall, you do not just let go because your climbing technique is inefficient or painful. So, we start discussing other ways that they can meet their needs that are more constructive. Eventually, they will identify new methods.

Stage 5: Form New Habits. Most narcissistic coping mechanisms can be viewed as habits that are encoded in the brain through neuronal connections. The basic goal now is two-fold: (1) Inhibit the old, automatic narcissistic habits and (2) Substitute the new, more desirable patterns.

If this is done a few hundred times, the new method eventually gets encoded in the brain. The older narcissistic pattern of neuronal connections weakens through lack of use, and now the new coping mechanisms become the automatic default pattern.

If you would like to know more about what happens at the neuronal level when you try to change a habit, I suggest you check out the work of the Nobel Prize-winning biologist Gerald Edelman (1929-2014), especially his 1987 book: Neural Darwinism.

Stage 6: Impact on Other People. Most of the time, clients with narcissistic defensive coping patterns cannot seriously consider their impact on other people until they have newer coping patterns in place. They will feel too much shame.

Their success in understanding themselves and forming new habits creates some realistic pride. This gives them less incentive to be grandiose, and more ability to tolerate the idea that it might improve their life if they took other people’s needs into consideration. This is not about having more emotional empathy. We are still looking at everything through the lens of how it benefits them.

Stage 7: Focus on Childhood Pain. At this stage, the clients are calmer and their life is generally calmer. They have learned what type of things trigger them and have developed more productive ways of coping with situations.

Now that some of their defenses against shame are less necessary, painful traumas from the past start to take center stage in the therapy. If this goes well, some healing takes place and in the process, they develop some emotional empathy for themselves as a child.

They also start to develop the capacity to form a stable, realistic, and integrated image of themselves (Whole Object Relations). This allows them to start to see other people in a more integrated way as well—neither all-good nor all-bad.

Stage 8: Update the Inner Voice. Before they can develop emotional empathy for other people, most people with NPD need to empathize with themselves. Quite early in the therapy—at almost any stage—I start talking about how children automatically internalize their understanding of how their caregivers saw them, their caregivers’ ideas about right and wrong, and also their ideas about what deserves praise and blame.

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I point out that we update our cell phones, our computers, and our apps, but most of us are still running our life based on inner “software” that was programmed by a very young child. I suggest that they examine how their inner guiding voice talks to them and pay attention to the following things:

• Do you like the tone of your inner voice?
• Is it sweet, loving, harsh, or scary?
• Is it fair?
• Is it a reliable guide through life?
• Does it reward you when you do well?
• Can you please it?
• Does it punish you with shame or guilt when you need to be reined in?
• Is the punishment overly harsh?
• Do you really require such harshness to get the message?

Once they are aware of the tone and content of their inner voice, and understand that the way they speak to themselves can be changed, we explore what changes they might like to make.

Making the changes takes awareness and a willingness to challenge and inhibit the inner voice. Sometimes all that is needed is a firm “Stop that!” when the voice is overly harsh. Then clients practice talking to themselves in the new way that they have decided would be preferable. As with changing the coping mechanisms, this can take vigilance and many repetitions.

Note: You can usually tell how harsh someone is with themselves from listening to how harsh they are with other people. Inner harshness is proportionate to outer harshness. Blaming and judging other people is a way to redirect the harsh inner critic outward. This buys them some inner peace at other people’s expense.

Stage 9: Empathy for Other People. Once they understand their own pain and have their harsh, devaluing inner voice more under control, they can start to look outward at other people. Generally, their first real emotional empathy for other people is evoked by someone who meets the following conditions:

• They are no threat to the narcissist.
• The other person reminds them of themselves.
• This person is being traumatized or was traumatized in a way that is very similar to what the narcissist experienced.

If all goes well, some of these clients will continue to slowly expand their capacity for emotional empathy.

Stage 10: Authenticity. My consistent and nonjudgmental interest in them, and their dropping of their defenses, improves our relationship. It can be a reparative emotional experience. They feel trust that they can be authentic with me because I have seen their “bad side” and nothing terrible has happened to either of us.

They take baby steps forward and try and be more authentic with other people. If this goes well, their reliance on their old “false self” defenses diminishes and they become more spontaneous and joyful.

The above is a highly abbreviated sketch of therapy for narcissistic personality disorder. It is complex, involves many stages, and is likely to take a long time. There is a lot of ground to cover. Sometimes people do not want to do all of this, or cannot do it all. Everyone who keeps plugging away at evolving eventually improves. How much depends on their willingness to keep working on themselves.

In the phenomenally successful TV show Succession, wealthy media magnate Logan Roy (played by Brian Cox) is frequently cruel to his adult children. He insults them, pits them against each other and can be cold or menacing. Despite the years of torment, the Roy children clearly crave their father’s approval.

The show highlights a struggle some adult children face: the need for approval from an abusive parent.

Some would suggest the solution is simple: cut ties with the parent, limit contact, rid your life of this difficult relationship. But this is often not realistic.

Research into relationships can help us understand why some people desire the approval of a parent who is abusive, insensitive or inconsistent in their love – or who rate high on what’s known as “dark trait” tendencies (narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism).

Attachment anxiety

Studies into parent-child relationships based in attachment theory (a widely researched theory of human bonding) suggest the need for approval is a feature of people who experience an insecure attachment style known as attachment anxiety.

People experiencing attachment anxiety tend to crave relationship closeness, which includes obsessing over a parent or romantic partner, and can hold strong fears of being rejected or abandoned.

Help knowledgeable voices rise above the noise

According to attachment theory, attachment anxiety can develop when the care provided by parents or guardians early in life is inept or inconsistent.

Inept or inconsistent care

Inept care is when a parent provides some type of help, but the care provided does not meet the needs of the child.

For example, a child may need encouragement in achieving a challenging task. Instead, the parent provides sympathy and says the task is too hard for the child. The parent may even try to do the task for the child, which can make them feel helpless or even incompetent.

Inconsistent care is when the parent sometimes provides care that meets the child’s needs, triggering happiness or relief in the child. They feel seen, validated, and understood.

On other occasions, however, the parent may respond in ways that do not meet the child’s needs.

The parent may withdraw, avoid, or neglect the child in their time of need. On other occasions, the parent may blame the child for asking for help – or make them feel guilty by framing their request for help as a burden that affects the parent’s own well-being.

Parenting and the dark traits

Some believe these responses by parents are methods to manipulate their children to behave or feel a certain way. Research into the dark traits suggests those who score high on these qualities lack emotional warmth, act in hostile ways, and exert control over their children.

People with these tendencies have been shown to dehumanise others, even those closest to them. This can involve treating family and romantic partners as if they have no feelings, as if they are irrational, stupid, rigid like a robot, or as a means to an end.

Our own work has shown people can act this way because their own parents were hostile towards them some 20 years prior.

Intergenerational transmission

For some parents, however, engaging in inept and inconsistent care is not driven by conscious motivations to manipulate and hurt their children.

Rather, they may not know how to parent differently. It may be that they too had parents who provided inept or inconsistent care.

Many of these parents have difficulties controlling their own distress when parenting their children. For some, their own worries and concerns become so intense they end up focusing on their own worries over those of their children.

This is an example of intergenerational transmission, where patterns of attachment and parenting can be passed from one generation to the next.

A ‘partial reinforcement schedule’

Irrespective of the reason, the fallout of inept or inconsistent caregiving is that children are placed on what’s known as a partial reinforcement schedule.

This is where the child’s cries for help are sometimes attended to. They sometimes receive the love and support they require. But other times, the child experiences invalidation, neglect, or gets the message they are not understood or are harming their parent.

Because of this partial reinforcement schedule, children work harder to gain the attention and love of their parents. The child might think: “If I try that little harder to get their attention and approval, they’ll see what I really need, and they’ll provide me with the love, comfort, acknowledgement I desire”.

How can we break the spell?

The need for approval is powerful for good reason, rooted in a long relationship history with our caregivers. Addressing this need often requires psychological intervention.

Therapies with a strong relational focus can be especially useful in working through issues such as a chronic need for approval. Such therapies include interpersonal therapy and schema therapy.

Schema therapy aims to help people understand why they have such a strong need for approval.

It uses cognitive, behavioural and emotion-focused strategies to help increase a person’s tolerance of disapproval. It might involve helping someone develop a better sense of their own identity, or use imagery techniques and affirmations to help clients validate themselves rather than seeking approval from an insensitive parent.

For people facing these struggles with a parent, try to identify when your need for approval is triggered, the emotions you feel, and what approval-seeking behaviours you engage in. It can help to write a pros and cons list about how the need for approval affects your life. Self-awareness can help lead to behaviour change.

It can also help to celebrate your own successes and identify your own skills and achievements. Doing so can provide you with evidence that challenges your need for approval from others. Developing self-compassion can also help.

Finally, positive affirmations can help challenge your own negative self-beliefs and increase your tendency to be self-approving. This can be as simple as writing down a series of truthful positive statements about yourself. You can refer to these statements when self-doubt creeps in, or when the need for approval of others becomes loud in your mind.

Gery Karantzas is currently a Professor and Director of the Science of Adult Relationships (SoAR) Laboratory in the School of Psychology at Deakin University.

By Dr. Elizabeth Englander and Meghan K. McCoy, Ed.D.

6 Research-based Strategies for Parents, Teachers and Friends

It’s a well-established fact that children’s and teens’ mental health took a hit during the pandemic. But new research suggests that teen girls in particular are suffering in unprecedented ways.

A survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that was published in early February 2023 found that, in 2021, 57% of high school girls reported experiencing “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in the past year,” up from 36% in 2011. That’s nearly twice as high as the 29% of males who reported having those feelings in 2021.

What’s worse, 30% of the girls surveyed reported seriously considering suicide and 13% attempted suicide one or more times in 2021. That is beyond shocking. It’s appalling.

We are a research team that studies children and their social and emotional development, and during the pandemic we’ve been specifically focused on mental health in children and adolescents. Since 2020, we’ve seen more changes in girls, overall, including increases in depression and thoughts of suicide.

In our view, a number of key factors have converged to create this mental health crisis in teen girls.The stress experienced by teens is unique and significant.

A perfect storm of factors

Previous CDC research has shown that the COVID-19 pandemic disproportionately affected girls. And in a 2021 study that our team conducted with 240 teens, 70% of girls said that they “very much” missed seeing people during the pandemic, compared with only 28% of boys reporting that sentiment.

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Support The Conversation

A second factor is social media, which can be a wonderful source of support but also, at times, a crushing blow to the self-esteem and psychological well-being of girls.

Finally, we think that all young people are struggling with issues like climate change and social upheaval. These aren’t just abstractions for many boys and girls: They are their future. Children and teens are usually neither indifferent to nor unaware of political realities.

So how can parents, teachers and friends help girls through this crisis?

Here are six strategies that research shows can work.

1. More emphasis on social support

Social and emotional connectivity between humans is likely one of the most potent weapons we have against significant stress and sadness. Studies have found strong links between a lack of parental and peer support and depression during adolescence. Support from friends can also help mitigate the link between extreme adolescent anxiety and suicidal thoughts. In one study of teens, social support was linked to greater resilience – such as being better able to withstand certain types of social cruelty like bullying.

2. Supporting one another instead of competing

During the 1970s and 1980s, competition between women was seen as something that held women back. Unfortunately, this message seems to have been lost in the tsunami of media coverage about bodies, looks and social achievement. Research has found that social media encourages competition between girls, particularly around their physical appearance.

Teaching girls at young ages to be cheerleaders for one another – and modeling that behavior as grownups – can help ease the sense of competition that today’s teens are facing.

3. Showcasing achievements

Thinking about your own appearance is natural and understandable. But an overemphasis on what you look like is clearly not healthy, and it is strongly associated with depression and anxiety, especially in women.

Adults can play a key role in encouraging girls to value other qualities, such as their artistic abilities or intelligence. Childhood can be a canvas for children to discover where their talents lie, which can be a source of great satisfaction in life.

One way that adults can help is simply by acknowledging and celebrating those qualities. For instance, at the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center, an organization we direct and manage that is focused on prevention of bullying and cyberbullying, staff members post female achievements – be they intellectual, artistic, scientific, athletic or literary – on social media channels every Friday, using the hashtag #FridaysForFemales.This young woman once felt sad, anxious and trapped.

4. Empowering women

Girls look to grown women for examples of how they can behave and what they can do. You may not be the chief executive officer of a huge corporation, but maybe you are a wonderful teacher, or maybe you run a small business that provides an important product or service. Modeling pro-women attitudes means valuing all of the roles that people play in a society.

In addition, teaching the history behind women’s movements and other important steps toward equality, such as the women’s right to vote, is key to empowering girls to value themselves and their roles. Women played central roles in war efforts during World War II. Women have led social movements and fought for people’s rights. And women have been renowned scientists, writers, artists and experts in virtually every other profession you can name.

5. An honest look at social media

Social media represents a unique form of human interaction that has taken on an outsize role in the lives of teens. This is magnified for teenage girls, for whom every social media interaction may feel consequential and potentially cataclysmic.

Interacting in a fun and positive way with peers on social media platforms can be a positive and affirming experience. On the other hand, seeing the things that others post, and comparing it with your own stuff, can make people of any age feel anxious about how they’re appearing, and whether they’re being socially included or excluded. This anxiety applies to both boys and girls, but the potential for emotional distress seems to be higher for girls.

Awareness of how social media has the capacity to influence your feelings and mental health seems to help people keep some distance from their interactions on social media. Adults can help girls by discussing with them how social media influences their feelings, their self-perception and even their body image.

6. Teaching kids to recognize their feelings

Learning to recognize and label feelings doesn’t come automatically for many people. The good news, though, is that kids can learn ways to help themselves when they’re experiencing anxiety or depression. Kids can learn to appreciate how hugging their dog, playing a board game, or talking with their parent(s) can help reduce anxiety, once they understand the feelings.

We think it’s worth noting that everything discussed here can also be helpful for boys, who are by no means immune to mental health problems. Encouraging achievement recognition, understanding how moods can be influenced by social media, and increasing support for both boys and girls is a positive step as we move toward a post-pandemic world.

Dr. Elizabeth Englander is the founder and Executive Director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State University, a Center which delivers programs, resources, and research to more than 400 schools every year nationwide

Meghan K. McCoy, Ed.D. is the Manager of Programs at the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center, at Bridgewater

State University

Reprinted with permission

Symbols representing mental health recovery include a wide variety of images and ideas that communicate resilience, healing, and personal development. These symbols serve as sources of hope and empowerment for people working toward mental wellness, whether physical or conceptual. From transformative imagery like the lotus to rebirth symbolism like the phoenix, each carries significant meaning and encourages inner strength.

Key Points About Recovery Symbols

Recovery symbols represent resilience and transformation, reflecting individual healing journeys. They function as meaningful reminders of hope and advancement, connecting with different paths toward wellness. These representations communicate strength, determination, and overcoming challenges in the mental health recovery process.

Frequently Used Symbols in Mental Health Recovery

Various symbols commonly appear in discussions of mental health recovery, each carrying distinct meanings related to hope, resilience, and the healing journey.

The Semicolon

The semicolon represents hope and continuation, symbolizing a moment when someone chose to continue their story rather than end their life. This punctuation mark reminds us that our narratives continue beyond difficult moments.

The Butterfly

The butterfly represents transformation and rebirth, emerging from its cocoon to symbolize the journey from struggle to freedom. In mental health contexts, it demonstrates that change is achievable and beauty can emerge from hardship.

The Phoenix

The phoenix is a legendary bird that rises from its ashes, representing rebirth and renewal. This representation communicates overcoming adversity and developing greater strength, reminding us that recovery is possible even after the most challenging circumstances.

The Lotus Flower

The lotus flower grows in muddy water but blooms beautifully above the surface, symbolizing purity, enlightenment, and overcoming obstacles. For mental health recovery, it illustrates growth and resilience despite difficult circumstances.

The Infinity Symbol

The infinity symbol represents the endless journey of mental health recovery, reminding us that recovery is not linear but ongoing. This symbol promotes persistence and understanding that healing requires time.

The Green Ribbon

The green ribbon is the universal symbol for mental health awareness. Displaying this ribbon demonstrates support for individuals experiencing mental health challenges, promotes awareness, reduces stigma, and encourages open dialogue about mental health.

Cultural and Religious Symbolism in Mental Health Recovery

Symbols from different cultural and religious traditions provide comfort and significance during the healing process, offering distinct forms of support throughout recovery journeys.

Indigenous Healing Symbols

Indigenous cultures use healing symbols to connect with their traditions and nature, such as the medicine wheel representing balance and harmony through colors and directions. Dreamcatchers offer protection against negativity and disturbing dreams. These symbols help individuals connect with cultural heritage while providing feelings of belonging and protection during recovery.

Religious Icons and Their Significance

Religious symbols carry deep meanings and provide spiritual support during mental health recovery. The Christian cross communicates hope, love, and forgiveness, while the Hindu Om symbol represents universal interconnectedness, encouraging inner peace and mindfulness. These icons offer comfort and strengthen connections to spiritual beliefs, supporting emotional and mental healing.

Cultural Symbol Variations

Different cultures have unique symbols reflecting their values and beliefs. Japanese cherry blossoms represent life’s beauty and impermanence, encouraging appreciation of each moment. Celtic knots, with their continuous loops, symbolize eternity and interconnectedness, providing a sense of support and continuity. These cultural variations allow individuals to draw strength from their heritage and discover personal meaning in recovery.

Personal Symbols in Mental Health Recovery

Individual symbols can significantly impact mental health recovery by providing unique, meaningful representations of personal journeys, challenges, and victories.

Creating Individual Symbols

Creating your own symbol can be powerful in mental health recovery, representing personal strength, hope, or achievements. These symbols provide visual reminders of your journey and progress. Consider what matters most to you—an object, animal, or shape with special meaning. Design it in a way that resonates personally. This becomes a source of inspiration, reminding you daily of your resilience and courage.

Symbolism in Art Therapy

Art therapy uses symbols to express feelings, ideas, and experiences that are difficult to verbalize. Creating art becomes a communication method for emotions and thoughts. Symbols in art can reveal hidden feelings and enhance self-understanding. A tree might represent personal growth, while stormy skies could symbolize struggles. Through art, you can explore and process emotions safely and creatively, facilitating healing.

The Role of Tattoos in Recovery

Tattoos can play a significant role in mental health journeys, with many people getting tattoos to symbolize their journey and strength. Semicolon tattoos serve as permanent reminders of overcoming difficulties and progress achieved. For some, tattoos mark milestones like maintaining sobriety or surviving difficult periods. They can be empowering, providing control over one’s body and narrative. Through meaningful designs, individuals carry recovery symbols with them, offering constant motivation and pride.

Books, Movies, and Media Featuring Recovery Symbols

Books and movies often use powerful symbols to represent recovery from mental health challenges. The phoenix rising appears in stories symbolizing rebirth and overcoming adversity. In “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” the tunnel represents the healing journey. Films like “A Beautiful Mind” employ intricate patterns to symbolize mental health complexity and recovery. These symbols help audiences connect with character journeys, providing hope and inspiration.

Music and Lyrics as Healing Symbols

Music and lyrics play crucial roles in symbolizing healing from mental health conditions. Songs like “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten use empowering lyrics to represent strength and perseverance. Artists employ metaphors like clearing storms to represent overcoming difficult times. Listening to these songs provides relief and hope, making listeners feel understood and supported. Music therapy utilizes these symbolic elements to support recovery, demonstrating music’s profound impact on mental health healing.

Social Media Movements and Hashtags

Social media movements and hashtags actively symbolize mental health recovery, with campaigns like #MentalHealthAwareness and #BreakTheStigma encouraging open conversations. These movements establish supportive communities where individuals share recovery stories, provide advice, and offer encouragement. Hashtags like #HealingJourney and #RecoveryWarrior symbolize personal growth and resilience. Through participation in these movements, individuals feel less isolated and more empowered in their recovery journeys.

Frequently Asked Questions

What represents positive mental health?

Positive mental health involves emotional well-being, resilience, and the ability to manage stress, featuring feeling good about oneself, maintaining fulfilling relationships, and having a sense of purpose. It enables individuals to cope with challenges, contribute meaningfully to communities, and experience balanced, fulfilling lives, characterized by self-acceptance, personal growth, and adapting to change while maintaining positive outlooks.

What are the most common symbols used to represent mental health recovery?

Common symbols for mental health recovery include the semicolon representing continuation and hope, the green ribbon symbolizing mental health awareness, and the butterfly signifying transformation and resilience. The lotus flower represents growth and overcoming adversity, while the phoenix symbolizes rebirth and renewal. These symbols communicate strength, hope, and the healing journey.

What is a symbol of healing through pain?

The phoenix symbolizes healing through pain, representing resilience and transformation arising from adversity. In mythology, the phoenix rises from its ashes, symbolizing renewal and strength gained through overcoming struggles. This powerful symbol illustrates healing processes in which individuals emerge stronger and wiser after enduring and transcending pain and hardship.

🧠 The Mental Health Effects of Cancel Culture

Cancel culture, often defined as the mass withdrawal of support (social and professional) from public figures or companies after they have said or done something objectionable, has significant and often complex mental health implications for everyone involved.

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📉 Effects on the “Canceled” Individual

For the person targeted by “cancellation,” the mental health toll can be severe and immediate:

• Intense Public Shaming and Trauma: The sudden, rapid, and worldwide exposure to criticism, threats, and ridicule can feel like a traumatic experience, similar to a digital mobbing.
• Acute Anxiety and Depression: The loss of reputation, income, and professional identity often triggers acute anxiety, severe depression, and feelings of hopelessness. The sudden shift from admired to outcast can be psychologically devastating.
• Fear and Hypervigilance: Individuals often become hypervigilant about their every action, fearing future missteps. Online threats, even if not acted upon, can lead to chronic stress and fear for personal safety.
• Social Isolation: Friends, colleagues, and employers may distance themselves due to fear of association, leading to profound loneliness and loss of support networks.
• Suicidal Ideation: The intensity of the public condemnation and the feeling of having no escape can, in extreme cases, lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts.

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🛡️ Effects on Observers and Participants

The constant cycle of public scrutiny and condemnation also affects those watching or participating in cancel culture:

• Ambient Anxiety: Many people, especially those whose careers depend on their public image (influencers, writers, academics), experience a low-level, pervasive anxiety about being the next target. This promotes self-censorship and emotional guarding.
• Moral Exhaustion (Outrage Fatigue): Constantly engaging with and reacting to perceived injustices online can lead to a state of emotional and moral exhaustion, where individuals feel overwhelmed and numb to real-world issues.
• Loss of Nuance and Empathy: The “all or nothing” nature of cancellation encourages viewing people as either entirely good or entirely evil. This binary thinking erodes the ability to hold complex, nuanced views about human behavior, hindering forgiveness and empathy.
• Reinforcement of Groupthink: Participating in “canceling” can feel validating, as it reinforces belonging to a specific moral group. However, this pressure to conform can suppress personal dissent and increase anxiety about expressing unique or unpopular opinions.

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✅ The Importance of Restorative Approaches

While holding people accountable for harm is essential for social health, mental health experts often advocate for restorative justice over purely punitive cancellation.

• Focus on Growth: Systems that allow for genuine apology, education, and change (restoration) are psychologically healthier than those that only permit permanent social exile (cancellation).
• Distinguish Between Error and Evil: Recognizing the difference between a clumsy mistake, a poor choice, and genuinely malicious behavior is key to a proportionate, and thus mentally healthier, public response.

The ultimate mental health cost of cancel culture is that it often replaces productive conflict and dialogue with isolating shame and perpetual fear.