Despite exuding confidence, narcissistic people relentlessly crave admiration. In other words, they are unable to convince themselves of their own brilliance. By Dr. Ava Green

Growing research shows the gap between perception and reality for narcissistic people goes far deeper than their inflated views about their appearance, accomplishments and abilities.

Narcissism is a personality trait that exists along a spectrum, where the lower end reflects a healthy balance of self-esteem and confidence. At the extreme end of the spectrum, however, narcissism is considered a personality disorder which affects 1-2% of the population. Most of us manifest narcissistic traits to varying degrees, but the more elevated the features are, the wider the gap between perception and reality.

Narcissistic people with elevated features frequently belittle anyone who fails to provide them with the special treatment they feel entitled to. Ironically, they continuously undermine the false self they are trying to build and maintain.

They can be quick to respond with anger and aggression to criticism, in an attempt to protect their grandiose yet fragile sense of self. A 2021 UK study found they experience more paranoia, even when there is no evidence of people meaning to harm them, compared with people with lower levels of narcissism.

Similarly, recent research by US psychologists found that narcissistic people experienced heightened fear of being left out, and accused others of deliberately ostracising them when there was no evidence to support their belief.

The study found that participants high in narcissistic traits were more likely to interpret ambiguous social cues as rejection (for instance, a delayed text message). This suggests their perceptions of social behaviour may be distorted.

Narcissism and ostracism fuel one another

Narcissism can be expressed in “vulnerable” features (socially-inhibited and neurotic) as well as “grandiose” features (dominant and extroverted). People with more grandiose features are overtly assertive and self-promoting. People with more vulnerable features tend to be outwardly distressed, hypersensitive and inhibited.

Although these are separate forms of narcissism, they share a core of entitlement and an antagonistic character style. And just like we all exhibit varying degrees of narcissistic traits, we also fluctuate between these two expressions of narcissism.

The US researchers chose to focus on grandiose narcissism only. The study differentiated between two facets of grandiose narcissism: narcissistic admiration (the ability to charm and manipulate people) and narcissistic rivalry, which includes devaluing and acting aggressively towards others.

The research team analysed data for more than 77,000 participants from a series of seven studies by other scientists spanning 2009-2022. The first two studies investigated the relationship between narcissism and ostracism using surveys and experience sampling (a method used to investigate participants’ cognition and behaviour outside the lab – for example, using participants’ smartphones to track their behaviour).

The first study found people who reported higher narcissism levels said they experienced significantly more ostracism, compared with other participants. This was backed up by the second study, in which participants completed the narcissism assessments then reported feelings of ostracism within a 14-day period, using a mobile app.

The remaining experiments examined how people with higher levels of narcissism perceive ambiguous social interactions, and how others respond to narcissistic traits. After a group task, people with higher traits in narcissistic rivalry were more likely ostracised, even when other participants weren’t told the target had elevated levels of narcissism.

This supports the findings of a 2017 meta-study showing that people high in narcissistic rivalry may provoke direct conflict through their behaviour, and perceive others more negatively.

The US researchers concluded that, while narcissistic features can fuel social exclusion, ostracism itself can, over time, contribute to pronounced narcissistic traits. It appears that ostracism can make people already high in narcissism even higher in these traits.

Other research has similarly shown disparity between the narcissistic self and reality, and the role paranoia plays in this relationship. For instance, a 2015 study found that elevated levels of narcissism are associated with belief in conspiracy theories. This association was driven by paranoid thought.

These findings are concerning given the harmful consequences of conspiracy theories for society. They can fuel violence, climate denial and vaccine hesitancy.

Narcissistic personality features also tend to be higher among political leaders than the general population. Conspiracy theories may be appealing to politicians – particularly during times that challenge their entitled need for superiority and power.

The ideal self and the actual self

The US study’s findings carry practical implications for interventions aimed at people with high levels of narcissism. The researchers said interventions should not only try to improve relationships by identifying personality risk factors (in this instance, the rivalry component of narcissism), but also consider the perceptions of the person involved.

Narcissistic personality disorder comes with a higher risk of suicide and mental health difficulties, and treatment rarely makes much difference. This is partly because of patients’ resistance to abandoning the “ideal self”, leading to frustration, anger and conflict with their therapist.

But some interventions could target the cognitive distortions of narcissistic people that hamper their ability to function in society. For example, psychological therapies could aim to help them process the defensive mechanisms (overvaluing themselves) that mask underlying feelings of vulnerability.

Helping narcissistic people develop greater insights into their habitual reactions – such as responding aggressively to self-esteem threats and feelings of social exclusion – could help them foster skills that reshape their cognitive distortions. This could ameliorate distress, anger and hostility for narcissistic people – and the people around them.